i feel like i've become so desensitized lately
like im more concerned with trump's next move than what's happening in my own country
i feel like these things wont even surprise me anymore
i feel like ive fely everything im ever going to feel
like i'll never be as happy as i was when we saw star wars and ate burritos
and i'll never be as sad as i was on my last birthday
but that's how everyone feels at 17
and there are some days like today
completely in the middle
after im done reading this to you
ill sit in my chair and fiddle
or maybe i'll check tinder
that's where my mind is at right now
im itching to reach into my pocket to see if ive matched with anyone
im dying to not feel alone for once in a while
like these girls even give a shit about me
like anything i say has any feelings
my words are decomposting log in the woods
damp with dew
and crawling with ants
i feel like i wouldnt feel those ants either
like theyd crawl on me but id be so unaware
im watching cnn
the first 100 days
and these ants are crawling inside me
i cant stop swiping right
and reading bios
and looking at pictures of random people
but these ants are already inside me
i think i can feel them now
thats a start
wait
no
that was just twitter
some random person just liked my tweet
does that mean im famous
its an inanimate sensation finally something to feel
in hindsight it might be worse than nothing
im still watching trump
paul ryan is explaining everything hes saying
thats normal right?
im too desensitized to notice that its not
im too desensitized to notice that my mother just called him a retard
thats normal in his house
i feel the word linger in the air
its floating to the ceiling
there it sits with all the other insults that feel empty but carry so much
my house has become the log
it is filled now
the ants are still crawling though
i just cant feel them now