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portrait of a young man

by arthur burroughs

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1.
Kill your darlings Kill your parents Kill any force in your life Destructive or not Kill yourself in the early hours Kill time and kill time Until time kills you And you are left alone In an infinite realm of time and space no more but no less of now until you become time and time becomes you one in the same time, oh I hate time hate confinements hate time spent hate time wasted hate time when time is real I hate it when it’s not too I hate feeling like the time is running out I hate time when the clock ticks in the dead of night And all that’s left is the ticking and the thinking and the breathing and the ticking And the ticking And the ticking Until the ticking stops The tickets punched The clocking in and out When time spent working results in time spent wasted Wasted in parking lots Wasted in friend’s basements Wasted in my bedroom Wasting time in establishments learning about how I learn Wasting my money I spent time earning Why waste time and money in organized structure Why structure a poem Why waste time not perfecting prose and delivery And why waste time to impress myself And why not just write until I disappear And my mind is gone Far off somewhere else Drifting and floating And why is time just floating around me Moving me to the four corners of my imagination What is time and why does it control me Why do I have so many questions Why can I never answer them Questioning myself Why is time still relevant What if all time spent is all time wasted And no time spent is not wasted Existence is wasted on the worrying about the time before and after death The time between the first and the last line And what if we all realized that the time in between meant nothing Abd none of us meant anything And that the time we wasted Wondering our significance Pondering our legacy And contemplating longevity Was the time most wasted And if time wasted could even have levels to it And what if we wasted all our time not killing our darlings And maximizing time wasted to portray ideas that have no truth What if we just wasted some time?
2.
loitering 01:54
Havent written in a while Some would call me the loitering poet Im sticking around the subject too long I wont move on past this point Im bound in eternal life and death Hovering around the same topics What is time Why are you my master I will break my chains and loiter further into linear time Damn you linear time You wanted me to move forward I just wanted to move still I didn’t want to move I wanted to be bound to my bed I wanted to remain until the headspace moved All I had to do is move I put a little boogie in my thoughts I moved on from the way of thinking Maybe im just on the second half of the two step Ill just step back Ill just go back to place and return to form Ill just form clay in my hands and sculpt infinite possibilities But im only given so much clay How am I to move forward if the bane of me is to repeat Ill repeat the words until they feel foreign Ill repeat the words until I move to the forwardness of the past Until I graduate college and get past the redundancy of equally boring living Until I get a new thought that can reverberate through my new space I want to maneuver through the matrix and arise in a pod and am faced with agent smith I wanna capture it all on film so the cloud cant delete me and im stuck where I was and cant go back I don’t wanna go back to where I was I call out to god “I think I need your help” I shock myself like its therapy to get rid of the thought I will get him out of my mind by any means necessary Ill pray to myself in hedonistic prayer until I answer myself And ill forgive myself for falling off I never want to fall off track but I got derailed Im trying to arrive at the point but its nothing but an optical illusion And the time itll take to get there will make me arrive at the point And the point is dull its not sharp And it told me to sharpen up So I read every night to educate I put Schopenhauer on the back burner for Malcolm But ill come back Arthur And so will you But the sign reads “no loitering” So I gotta move on for now
3.
jazz rap 01:27
I dance around my room to jazz rap Im in a good place I feel good when I talk about myself That’s why I start every line with I Im a hedonist I cant get enough of myself on Sundays The sun leaves me in a daze Its been gone for a cold winter I felt warm when I stood in the cold I felt good when you told me you loved me I started to cry when I looked in your eyes I started to feel good again when I had a week off Who let me feel creative again Its hard not to feel jaded about how you feel I felt green when you said she was more than me I feel like owning up to it makes me a better person but we all know that’s not true Im writing quantity over quality I want to make my grand return but I have to sift through all the trash to get to something grandiose Im trying to write in new books I want my memory to be jogged Last year I was writing like a madman Where is he now Hes lost his spark Thank god I have matches and only a few are black I wish I could’ve translated all my anxieties into thoughts and words but how do I do that when I feel worried about writing words How can I feel if im afraid to claim my feelings Sometimes I take it out physically I brush my teeth until they bleed Ill spit out the blood and try again I don’t know how itll translate but ill take a stab in the dark Plug in the nightlight Ill see if I can still find the target Whats the target anyway Theres no bullseye anywhere in sight Maybe the target is to create something great But who knows Im just dancing around to rap about the water temple
4.
America’s gonna ask me to go to war with them Theyre gonna drop the bombs again How am I gonna kill Koreans if I don’t even eat meat How are they gonna ask when im not a part of them Why would I go to war I couldn’t qualify if I wanted a chance Im a red skinned communist and I hate America I wont go if you ask me to I wouldn’t give you a fighting chance I wouldn’t even try to help you But I will only go on a few conditions I will go if you stop lying about what youre doing Mr Trudeau, how are you helping all the missing and murdered native women Why wont you stop lying I would’ve voted for you if I had a chance I really wanted to like you I want to start a riot on parliament I want answers from you mr prime minister Im glad youre legalizing marijuana Youll make things much easier for me But my heart still aches when I hear that so many natives still aren’t living properly You make me want to revolt I cant go anywhere to protest Im stuck with student debt I couldn’t even drive if I wanted to I don’t have a license This is me speaking out Justin, I want you to listen to me I want you to listen to the people talking to you I want you to listen to what you used to say Its been over two years Stop lying about progress Stop lying to your citizens I don’t want to hear more of your bullshit I want you to do what you said Please listen Im tired of begging Just try to listen to us I don’t want to go to war with korea I don’t really want to go to war with you either I just want you to take control Mr prime minister, neither of us want to go to war Theres no point in fighting Theres no guns and theres no violence But please do something now Im starting to lose trust My confidence is wavering Mr Trudeau I can vote now I want you to prove to me that I wasn’t wrong two years ago I want to stop the war and I don’t want to be drafted Donald trump wont do anything for anyone This is no surprise He longs to go to war I know you don’t So I hope we can wave the white flag and sign an agreement here

about

a few poems from november 2017 and march 2018. this one's a little more raw, i wanted it to feel more real.

credits

released March 16, 2018

written and recorded by me. cover photo by carling. special thanks to carling and kody for helping shape me as a person and my works henceforth.

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arthur burroughs Hamilton, Ontario

subterranean poet

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